On Being A Swinger

I'm in love with my DVR. Don't get me wrong; I've always had affection for it. I recognized the moment I got it how dramatically it would change my life. And it definitely has. No longer must I choose between watching the gazillion-hour-long season premiere of The Biggest Loser or watching the latest installment of Fringe. Let's face it, setting a VCR was way too annoying to be a daily thing, especially when you tried to do it two minutes prior to the show and realized that you first had to set the clock (because you had unplugged the darn thing since the last time you used it). With the DVR, I can simply click on the upcoming program and set it to record. It takes all of 5 seconds. So you can see why I'm crazy about it.

These days, though, I've found even more appreciation for my DVR. And I gotta tell ya: it's the greatest invention since oxygen.

You see, Michigan is considered a "swing state". I don't know why we have to be swingers (I jokingly refer to residents of Michigan, Ohio, and other swing states thusly), considering how badly Michigan's economy has floundered under G-Dub's administration and the fact that the state has gone blue in the past 4 presidential contests, but this is what they tell us. Being a swinger can be a good thing. With Michigan's 17 electoral votes up for grabs, not a week goes by that one of the candidates, presidential or vice-presidential, doesn't make an appearance somewhere around here. But it can also be very annoying. Those of you who are fortunate enough to live in a state that is solidly blue, or even one that is solidly red, probably think you are being bombarded with political tv ads. Hah! Take what you're getting and multiply it exponentially. That's what we swingers must endure.

What I wouldn't give for an annoying Head-On commercial right about now!

Now don't get me wrong. Politics are important, especially in our country's current state of economic unrest. But can't I have just one hour of the day when I don't have to hear about it? I guess not.

My new thing is to record all the shows I want to watch, even if I'm home and nothing else is on. That way, I can skip through all of the annoying political ads. This has been great for my temperment, as I am no longer prone to swearing at the television. (Okay, so I still swear at the television during football games, but we're not talking about that right now.) My DVR has been my lifesaver, rescuing me from drowning in an ocean of political hyperbole.

I am in love with my DVR.

CS3...Savvy?

I had been tinkering with some of my photos attempting to learn how to post-process them. Everything I tried was abysmal. I became increasing frustrated with my efforts. I started to think that maybe I need to take a PS class. This thought troubled me because I'd never had to take a class to learn how to use software before. I can usually figure things out on my own. I was beginning to get frustrated.

Then I decided that maybe I shouldn't waste too much energy on an outdated version of PSE (2.0 to be exact). I decided I needed to upgrade immediately. If I'm going to be inept, I'm going to at least do it on updated software. So I immediately jumped online to research the best price for the latest and greatest Adobe photo-editing software. You know what I found?

THOSE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!

I mean, folks gotta eat...don't they? I'm sure if I was a pro photographer the cost wouldn't be prohibitive. But I'm just basically practicing taking pictures for my personal edification. I can't imagine laying down that kinda cash for...software.

Too bad. I would've liked very much to have it, but it's too far out of reach for...

Wait a minute! I AM an IT chick, and there has to be a way to get CS3 for free, right?

And so I began to research. Guess what I found? A free trial of the software. Okay, that's great and all, but I want a permanent copy that I can use forever and ever. So, move this file...replace that file...change some code there....

Now, by no means am I admitting to ANY kind of piracy (because that would be wrong, boys and girls, very wrong!), but suffice it to say that I am now up and running with a permanent copy of CS3 (Arrrrgh!). Ain't technology grand?

Anyway, after I played around with the software a little I came up with the following photo from my daughter's first football game (you can click on them to view them full sized):








Original version

















PS'd version















Not too bad for a novice, huh? I know it's not perfect, and it's easy to see the PSing if you look for it. I may not have blurred the background enough, or maybe I blurred it too much. I don't know. But as first efforts go, I'm pretty happy with it. I'm curious to know what you great photographers and seasoned photoshoppers think. Also, I'd welcome any tips and suggestions or any actions you want to share with me ('cause a sistah is broke as a joke and can't afford to buy any).

-e

8 Mile...Starring Barack Obama

In a battle of words, it's usually not ideal to argue your point first. That way you get to hear the other person's argument, and you can counter that with your own.

Have y'all seen the movie 8 Mile? I know everyone in Detroit has. Remember that last battle scene, where Eminem - I forget his character's name - had the mic? He got up there and spat his rhymes, then he anticipated his opponent's comeback and tore it to shreds before he laid down the mic. Of course, the other guy now had nothing with which to come back, being that Eminem had already destroyed all his material.

He changed the rules. He threw a sucker punch that prevented the counter punch. He took words that he hadn't even heard yet and picked them apart.

Yep, that's what Barack Obama just did to John McCain. He 8Mile'd him.

If you didn't see Obama's acceptance speech (and I don't blame you if you didn't because I don't usually watch political conventions myself), you missed a brilliant display of gamesmanship. Not only did he make the case for the end of Republican rule by pointing out the obvious blunders of the current administration, but he anticipated every bit of nonsense that the McCain camp and the hit squad at the Republican National Committee might throw at him and made them seem, well, more than a little ridiculous.

For those who haven't seen it, I am not going to try to summarize it here. That would take too long, and I have to get up in the morning. And I can't embed the video because it hasn't shown up on the web just yet, so you'll have to find it for yourself to see what I'm talking about.

Oh, and that shuffling sound you hear is the McCain camp trying to figure out what just happened to all their talking points.

-e

Practicing

So I'm trying hard not to rely so much on my camera's full auto mode. It's not as easy for me as it sounds. But, I'm getting there. Yesterday, I decided to practice my own "sport" while my daughter was at football practice. (I try not to pay too much attention to what's happening on the field because I get a little too into it, but 2 hours is an excruciatingly long time to be nonchalant.) What you see below are a couple of shots I took. Some were particularly challenging because of the evening shadows being cast across part of the field. Also, I cropped them a little, but that's as far as my Photoshopping went. One of these days, I'll learn how to post-process my digital pics better. Until then, this is what I get. :)

Taking a break

Gotta have some water!

Running off the field

One of the coaches addressing the players after practice

I love this photo...too bad my child isn't in it :)

-e

And The Award Goes To...

I was honored when Staci nominated me for this award a few weeks ago. I consider this quite an accolade coming from her, since Staci's blog is so creative and entertaining.


The rules of this award are as follows:

• The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
• Link to the person frow whom you received your award.
• Nominate at least 7 other blogs, and put links to those blogs on yours.
• Leave a message on the blogs of the people you nominated.

I'm only going to nominate 5, though. Cut me some slack. I'm relatively new to the blogosphere (on a regular basis anyway). So without further ado, I nominate...

Keisha
Roberta
The Don
Trina
Veronica

-e

The Race Card (Quick Post)

I swear, if I hear the phrase "the race card" uttered on a political news show one more time I AM GOING TO THROW A FOOTBALL THROUGH THE SCREEN!

-e

That Kinda Info Might Have Been Useful

It's official. I'm old.

My 20-year class reunion is going on this weekend. I was unable to attend, but I hope all who did are enjoying themselves.

I was talking to an "old" friend yesterday, and we got to reminiscing about our high school years. She said she wished she could go back and tell her high school self a few things. She asked me what, if anything, I would go back and tell my teen-aged self.

Hmmm...that's a tough one for me, especially since I firmly believe that every experience I've had to this point has helped make me the person I am today. Besides, I was so hard-headed, I probably wouldn't have listened to me anyway. (Shaddap Torrie!) Anyway, there are a few concepts I might try to impart to a younger me:

• Do you! You will never please everybody, so don't even try. Be authentic to yourself, and let the chips fall where they may.
• Live in the moment. Don't worry about what happened yesterday; it's over. Don't concern yourself with tomorrow; you can't control it.
• Your thighs are fine. Everyone is not meant to be a size 3; being a size 7 does not make you fat. And even if it did, so what! There are worse things to be in this world.
• You can't control everything. There are times in life to stand your ground and times you have to be flexible. Learn the difference.

That's all I've got. It's not much, but it might have made a difference. If you could go back and talk to yourself as a teenager, what would you say?

-e

Parenting Styles Are Like Day And Knight

I've just discovered I'm out of touch as a parent.

As I was surfing earlier this week, I came across an article about whether The Dark Knight is too violent for children. In it, one woman says she regrets taking her 11- and 14-year-old kids to see the movie because it was not appropriate for children. Another guy said he would not have taken his 12-year-old son had he known how violent the film was.

Now, after reading the article and the posted comments that ensued, I was immediately defensive. Why? Because I took my soon-to-be-10-year-old daughter to this movie on opening day. We enjoyed it. We even had a discussion of the film (the acting, the plot, the action scenes, etc.) on the way home from the theater. It never occurred to me that what we had just seen might be too "dark" for her.

So the folks in the article (and some of the comments) must be overreacting, right?

Well, maybe not completely.

Because then I spoke to my pal Joe. He and his family had also made an outing last Friday to see the film. He went with his wife, his mother, his daughter, and his niece who is visiting for the summer. Apparently, his 6-year-old niece has been having nightmares about The Joker ever since. But how could this be? My child didn't have nightmares, and Joe's own daughter (who is 8 years old) has been sleeping well also. Could it be the age difference? No. The parents in the article had children older than ours.

And then it hit me: it's because of the way our children were raised.

I nursed my daughter while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel,and Charmed. And, later, when she was sick and miserable in the middle of the night, she snuggled next to me and watched Interview with the Vampire and The Craft. At the age of 3, she was sitting through (and comprehending) The Fellowship of the Ring and quoting lines from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

So a criminally insane comic book villain is just par for the entertainment course as far as our kids are concerned. No nightmares. No trauma. Their only reaction was some very astute character analyses and appreciation for a very good motion picture.

Apparently, most children are not being raised in this way. Joe's niece certainly wasn't. That's why The Joker (and Heath Ledger is excellent in the role) gave her nightmares. And the parents in the article must not be the kind of people who read comics or go to sci-fi conventions. Because, after all, if you ever read The Dark Knight series comic books, you already knew this wasn't your garden variety superhero story. And they just thought it was going to be like Batman. Imagine that!

-e

Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Mojo Gone?

For those of you that don't know, I have a scrapbooking store in my house. Not a real retail establishment, but I have enough supplies that I could probably open one.

I've got more time on my hands than ever.

And, as you know, I take a zillion pictures. (I'm trying to whittle that down, though, 'cause my kid says I have a problem.)

So I really have absolutely no excuse for not scrapbooking. Yeah, my scrap space could use a little more organization, but that's not unusual. Besides, I've cranked out pages in the midst of more chaos than I've got now.

I just haven't been motivated lately. And I can't figure out why. I've been collecting mags and sketches, and still nothing.

But do you know what I am motivated to do? Buy more supplies. How crazy is that? I've had to seriously restrain myself from adding to my collection. Because, at this point, that's all it is: a collection of supplies. I've resolved not to buy any more supplies until I start using what I've got. Unless, of course, it's a really great deal. :)

-e

Where Good Intentions Go Wrong

People mean well.

I know it, and I appreciate it. But it's very annoying sometimes.

Most of my friends are kind-hearted people. I get that. I really do. And being the kind-hearted people they are, most have invited my daughter and me to participate in whatever 4th of July festivities they are planning. And I really do appreciate it. I love them for it.

The problem is simple: I don't feel like celebrating the 4th of July.

Is this some political statement? A Chuck D style boycott about the freedom of my people? A quiet protest of this country's foreign policy?

No. It's much simpler than that.

My father passed away last year on the 4th of July, and I just don't feel like celebrating. Period.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? But it's just my luck to live in a country full of amateur psychologists. I blame Oprah and Phil.

People say they understand my feelings. Then they try to convince me that what I really need to do is get out among the masses. As if lighting sparklers or playing spades or endless banter about the NBA's ridiculous one-year-of-college rule will magically make me feel better. (Sorry, Mr. Stern. I had to get that out.) As if being around people will change the fact that, in effect, they are gathering to celebrate the very day I lost my dad.

Now, if they had real psychology degrees they would understand that people have to grieve in their own way. This is mine. No one has a healthier understanding of death than I do. I just don't like being around people when I'm feeling this way. And, trust me, I'm really no fun right now. They wouldn't want me bringing down their celebration anyway. Everything about this "holiday" reminds me of the day my father died.

So let it go. No more lectures about what my father would have wanted me to do. No more castigations on the necessity of being around friends during this time. No more advice on how to deal. I'm not staying in bed for a month, and I'm not pondering suicide. I'm simply passing up some parties to shed some very personal tears by myself.

In time I might get to a place where I can enjoy a good cookout on the 4th of July. But it's not likely to happen this year. Let me assure you--your BBQ ribs will not be safe from me on Labor Day.

Back To The Future Please!

I don't drive a De Lorean, but I feel like I've somehow been transported back to the 1950's or something. I haven't seen any poodle skirts, and there's definitely hip hop on the radio, but the things that come out of folks' mouths around here are all the proof I need.

I've been having the following conversation a lot recently. The other person (OP) is a composite of many people:

Me: I gotta go. My kid has football practice this evening.
OP: She's playing football this year?
Me: Yep.
OP: Why?
Me: Because she wants to.
OP: What team?
Me: A local Pop Warner team. The team seems solid. They've been champs a few times.
OP: And they have a girls' team?
Me: Uh, no.
OP: So she's going to be playing with boys?
Me: Uh, yeah.
OP: Is it flag football?
Me: Nope. Tackle.
OP: And you're letting her play?
Me: Uh, yeah.
OP: Has she been tackled yet?
Me: No. They're doing a skills and agility camp right now. It's kinda like spring training. There's no contact until closer to the actual season.
OP: Well...she'll quit the first time she gets tackled.
Me: Ha! You obviously don't know my kid very well. The whole reason she wants to play is to tackle someone.
OP: You're not afraid she'll get hurt?
Me: Not really. She's not fragile.
OP: Are you sure you're not making her play?
Me: Entirely her decision. I don't care whether she plays or not.
OP: But she's a girl.
Me: I know this. I changed her diapers.

Now, don't get me wrong. I had expected a few folks to balk at her playing football. I'm not naive. I know that old prejudices die hard, and little girls playing tackle football is not something you see every day. But, come on. It's not like she's the first girl to ever play the game. It's Pop Warner, not the NFL. I mean, girls have been participating in Punt, Pass & Kick competitions for as long as I can remember. And my nephew, who plays high school football, says there's a girl playing on his school's team. (This is not the first time I've heard of girls participating in Texas high school football since I graduated. I seem to remember a lawsuit...) In fact, Detroit has its own female professional football team. (No, Joe, I'm not talking about the Lions.) And, although they got eliminated in a playoff game three days ago, the Detroit Demolition have managed to win four championships over the past several years (only one since joining the IWFL in 2006...they lost in the championship game that year but won it last year). The Detroit Lions, meanwhile, are perennial bottom-feeders who want to charge you a small fortune to watch them lose. They might try recruiting some players from the Demolition. They couldn't possibly be any worse. But I'm not one to gossip, so you didn't hear that from me. LOL

And on the subject of injury. Why is it that people are so concerned girls will get hurt playing football? I mean, hello? Have you seen competitive cheerleading these days? Or gymnastics? Both are infinitely more dangerous than football. I ought to know. I used to play tackle football regularly when I was her age. Only I played on the front lawn without pads with my brother and his friends, all of whom were older than me. I never sustained a single injury. By contrast, I can't even tell you how many sprains, strains, and pains I've gotten from cheerleading and gymnastics because there have been so many. If you think getting tackled hurts, try taking a header off the balance beam or the high bar, or crashing onto the asphalt when a partner stunt or pyramid goes wrong. My daughter did try cheerleading last year (and hated it), and strangely nobody questioned whether I was afraid she'd hurt herself then.

But, I digress.

By far, the most ridiculous conversations I've had on the subject have gone something like this:

OP: I don't think you should let her play football.
Me: Why not?
OP: Because she's a girl.
Me: So?
OP: So you don't want to make her gay or something.
Me: You sound like a fool.
OP: I'm serious.
Me: You can't possibly be serious, because that would make you an idiot.
OP: Well, it could happen if you keep letting her do boy stuff.
Me: Boy stuff? What does that even mean anyway?
OP: If you let her act like a boy, she'll grow up thinking she's one.
Me: And that fantasy would come crashing down the moment she got her period.
OP: Be serious!
Me: I am. And here's a newsflash for you: whether or not she is gay was more than likely already determined before she ever took a breath in this world. I doubt letting her play football at the age of 10 will have any bearing on her sexuality one way or another.
OP: You could turn her gay if you're not careful.
Me: That's ridiculous. And, even if it were true, there are worse things she could be.
OP: Oh yeah? Like what?
Me: Like intolerant. Like ignorant. Like afraid to try things because she seeks approval from the insignificant masses that don't contribute one iota to her worth as a person. Like an idiot. Like you.

Okay. So you see where that discussion always ends up. But I'm still quite baffled. This is, after all, the year 2008. Or is it? I mean, are we really still having the whole nature vs. nurture discussion as it relates to human sexuality? Apparently so. And I've found that out. There are still people out there who think that if put my child in frilly dresses and buy her baby dolls, this somehow guarantees that she'll be heterosexual. Whatever. I hate to break it to you, but science has proven time and again that this is not the case. (Not that it's important, although I might as well note it here, but I've known my kid is firmly heterosexual since she was about nine months old. But even if she wasn't, I'd love her anyway.)

But, there is hope. While a couple of the coaches were caught by surprise when a girl showed up to camp, they seem to be fine with her participation. And, although many are amused by her presence, they have all embraced the opportunity to teach her the fundamentals of the game. (I can tell some of them don't quite know what to make of her yet, but that is perfectly understandable.) And most of the boys don't seem to mind having her on the field. Sure, a few have made comments to her. But most of them seem fine with it, if they notice her at all. At her last practice, one little boy's father seemed surprised to see her leaving the huddle:

Man: Are you playing football this year, young lady?
G: (calmly) Yes.
Man: (enthusiastically) Good for you, young lady! Show these boys how it's done!

And on that note, I've gotta go. Cause I think I've spotted Doc Brown, and he's the only one that can fix the flux capacitor in my Malibu...

The Final Word?

Okay, this post is a little late. My daughter's been out of school for over a week now. Her last day was Friday, June 6th. And that's the day she brought home her final report card. She only got one "A". The rest of her grades were "A-minus".

When she showed it to me, I carefully studied the document then frowned at her and asked her how she could dare bring all those minuses into my house. She laughed at me, told me she knew I was proud of her, then bounced out of the room. Sigh! I'm going to have to find a way to command more respect in my household...

-e

New Header and Bren Boone Designs

Okay, I've been out of commission for a while. Sorry about that. The two other remaining members of my original nuclear family have been having health issues lately and have undergone surgical procedures. And I've been going non-stop since I've been back: I've chaperoned a fourth-grade field trip and two Girl Scout field trips, attended Field Day at my daughter's school, gone to two birthday parties (in one day), and had a new garage door opener installed (Yay Home Depot!). So, I just now got around to changing my blog header. Are we good now Tammy?

This time I used a kit from Bren Boone Designs. It's called "Naturally" and is Bren's June Freebie. Bren is an absolutely fabulous designer I found online last year. Those of you who do digital scrapbook pages should check out her website. It's not often we run across people of color in the scrapbooking industry, so I think it's important to support them whenever possible. And that shouldn't be too hard with Bren. Did I mention her designs are fabulous? LOL And she happens to be a really good photographer also. When I found Bren, she was living in Old El Paso (her husband had been invited to the local fort by his Uncle Sam) but has since moved on. Kinda like me. You know, if I was married or creative or entrepreneurial or anything...

Anyway, thanks for the freebie Bren. I wish you well.

-e

Ride Or Die: The Definitive List

My friend Joe and I are having a slight disagreement about which persons, real or fictional, we would want to have by our side should any drama jump off. You know, the people you can always count on, no matter what the situation is. We basically agree on who should be on the list, but we can't really seem to reach any accord on the order in which each should be placed.

Anyway, since my opinion is the only one that matters (shaddap!), here's my official top five list of people I consider to be "ride or die":

1. Stephen Jackson. Although Stephen Jackson currently plays with the NBA's Golden State Warriors, he made the list while he was with the Indiana Pacers during the infamous brawl at the Palace a few years back. When Ron Artest went into the stands, Stephen Jackson was right behind him. Stephen didn't know why he was throwing punches, and I don't think he even cared. All he knew was that his boy was swinging, so he was swinging too. Punch first, and ask questions later. If you're down with Stephen, your back is got. It's automatic.
2. Ando Masahashi. Fans of NBC's Heroes know exactly why Ando is on my list. When his best friend Hiro, armed with the power to manipulate time, embarked on a quest to fulfill his destiny in the first season, Ando backed him up. Even though this quest put them both in harm's way, Ando, with no weapon or supernatural power of his own, was Hiro's companion and protector throughout.
3. Samwise Gamgee. Sam saved all of Middle Earth from peril when he accompanied Frodo into Mordor and made sure the ring of power was cast in the fires of Mount Doom to be destroyed. All of this because he made a promise. "A promise. 'Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to." Okay, so I've seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy way too many times, but you get the point.
4. Al "A.C." Cowlings. O.J. needed a ride. A.C. not only provided the Bronco, he provided his own services as chauffeur. He did all of this with police helicopters circling above and the rest of LAPD in pursuit. A.C. just calmly kept driving until O.J. was ready to stop. (I should point out that my friend Joe feels A.C. should be #1 on this list.)
5. O-Dog. You definitely want O-Dog on your side. Cause that fool is out his hookup. In fact, if he wasn't a sociopath he'd be higher on my list. O-Dog was so crazy, I shuddered at the sight of Larenz Tate for a long time thereafter. He hunted down and helped kill the fools who murdered Cain's cousin. Then, when Cain felt he needed to pistol whip Chauncy, O-Dog offered up his piece without asking a question and even checked to make sure it was loaded (because bullets might have been necessary for all he knew) before he handed it to Cain. And when Deena's cousin and his boys came gunning for Cain, O-Dog came out with a pistol in each hand shooting back at those fools. Yep, I've watched Menace II Society a few times also.

There's my top five. Those are the people I want with me if I find myself having to walk down a dark alley. There were others in consideration, but I think these selections embody the spirit of the list. Is there anyone you think I've left off?

-e

Friday

I was on Wal-Mart's website on Friday checking to see when Super Smash Bros Brawl for the Wii would be available. Imagine my surprise when I saw it was available for pre-order at a price of $19.82! I jumped on it right away to lock in my price. Wow! Newly released Wii games usually go for about $50. Even with shipping, I'm coming out way ahead! I clicked through to purchase the game. The website thanked me for my order and said they would send me a confirmation. Sure enough, I got a confirmation email from them with the details of my order: total purchase price, when I could expect shipment, and that my credit card would not be charged until the order had shipped.

Everything was great, and I was satisfied with my purchase. Until Saturday, that is. Saturday is when I got the following email from walmart.com:

We are contacting you regarding your recent order 2677303127823.

At the time you placed your order, the price of the item(s) listed below was incorrect on our website. Due to this issue, we have canceled the item(s) from your order. No further action is required on your part regarding this issue and we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Your payment method will not be charged for the item(s). Any authorization hold on your credit card account will be released in accordance with your financial institution's holds policy. Please contact your financial institution for more information.

Item(s):

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Wii Qty 1


Please note: Any items in your order that are not listed above will be delivered as planned. Click on "My Account" on http://www.walmart.com/ to track the status of any remaining items in your order.

Should you have any questions, please refer to our Order Acceptance policy:

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/catalog.gsp?cat=119625&path=0:5436:120160:119599:119625#1

You may also contact one of our Customer Service Associates at http://us.f815.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=help@walmart.com.

Sincerely,

Customer Service at Walmart.com
http://www.walmart.com/

When you click on the link to the "Order Acceptance policy", it basically states that if they erroneously price an item they have the right to cancel the order. I think this is bad business, but okay, whatever.

The problem I had was that they indeed charged my credit card. Nope, it wasn't an authorization hold, it was an actual charge.

So I contacted customer service. I was like excuse me, but you charged my credit card already. You should honor the price.

The high school dropout on the other end was like, Uh...no. That's not our policy. We can yank that price out from under you at will. (I think I heard an evil laugh at this point, but that could've been my imagination.) I'd suspected that my argument wasn't going to fly, but it was worth a try anyway.

Then I told him their policy also stated my card would not be charged until the item shipped, but they had already charged my card. So, what's the deal, dude? Y'all get to pick and choose which of your stated policies you are going to follow?

The crickets chirping on the other end of the phone indicated a clear lack of comprehension on his part. So I dropped it.

I continued: Look dude, since y'all aren't gonna give me the item at the price you listed I want my money back.

He finally decided to form words: Yes ma'am. We've issued the credit back into your account. It usually shows up in 3-5 business days.

I wasn't mad until then. But now I was.

Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey!

Why should I wait 3-5 business days for MY money? Y'all didn't wait 3-5 business days to get it! And, again, your own policy states that they wouldn't charge my card until the item was shipped. It was a pre-order for next month, so there was absolutely no reason my card should have already been charged.

The poor slug said there was nothing he could do. So I asked to speak to someone with adult-level comprehension, presumably a supervisor (though we all know THAT is no guarantee of more intelligence). He put the shift lead on the phone. I explained the situation and why I was hot, and pointed out that if they had the means to charge immediately then they should have the means to credit just as quickly.

I don't really care about the game or the $20, but it's the principal. There's principalities involved in this thing.

She indicated that she understood my point and said she would have them issue an immediate credit, which she did. So I asked why the brick and mortar stores had to honor ticketed prices but the website could get away with cancelling orders when they screw up a price. She said Wal-Mart and walmart.com are separate entities. This is not an answer, but whatever. She said I was welcome to resubmit my order at the current price of $49.98. Thanks, but I'll pass. If I'm going to pay that price, I might as well wait until the game is released and go get it from the Best Buy or Toys-R-Us around the corner. I wouldn't even have to go out of my way, and I'd save on the shipping charge. The only reason I pre-ordered it anyway was because it was going to save me 30 bucks.

I had already stopped shopping at Wal-Mart's brick and mortar stores. There really isn't one that's in my immediate vicinity, and they negated any benefit I would get from driving past two Meijer stores and three Target stores when they discontinued layaway, which I only ever used for the holidays anyway. But I had still been able to find a few deals on walmart.com. I ordered a Fisher Price I Can Play Piano for about $20 with overnight shipping. That item was retailing for about $60. And I had been able to find some other great deals when they were doing the 99-cent shipping thing.

But this has soured me on their website, too. I have to admit, though, that I love getting great deals. If I find another great deal on walmart.com, I can't promise I won't try to cash in on it.

And you know this, man!

The Little Things

I was in my local Target today, and happened upon some items clearanced at 75% off. There were a bunch of toys (and I grabbed plenty), and I also found some decent picture frames for $1.25 each. Also, I had a coupon for $2.25 off a box of Electrasol dishwasher detergent, which was already on sale for $2.66! I was thrilled when I checked out and paid less than $80 for more than $300 worth of merchandise. As I was in my car driving home, I began to ponder.

I have no life.

And I'm surprisingly fine with that.

It doesn't take much these days to make me smile. Things like saving a ton of money, helping my child with math homework, and the fact that new episodes of Monk and Psych will be on tonight are enough to keep me content. That's not to say there aren't things I want to accomplish in life, just that I'm perfectly okay with where I am right now.

Now if I could only get a handle on this insomnia thing...

New Year, New Outlook

Okay, I know I've been neglecting my blogging lately. I have good reasons, but probably not good enough. So I'll just try to do better from now on.

I'm one of those people who loves the holiday season, but I'm always glad when it's over. This year was no exception. Especially because my daughter and I spent most of the holiday season in a self-imposed quarantine. I have to say that nobody appreciates the human immune system more than I do. I've always found disease processes to be quite fascinating, and I take great pleasure in knowing the very precise physiological path that an infection follows. On paper. Because here's what I know, ladies and gentlemen: 1) having a sick child really sucks, and 2) infection is neither pleasurable nor fascinating when it's inside of me.

Anyway, as I was pondering all things 2007, it occurred to me that several new pet peeves surfaced last year (and a couple of old ones). For the sake of education ('cause you know I'm ALL about education...LOL) I will list them for you:

1. The news media. Okay, I've never really liked watching the news. I always contended that if anything important ever happened in the world, Stuart Scott would tell me on Sportscenter. Maybe that was a stretch, but last year the media reached an all-time low standard for what passes as news. I mean, between the endless stories about Tom Cruise and What's-Her-Name (now his wife), Britney and Lindsey's drama-filled lives, and human interest stories so ridiculous you forfeit thousands of brain cells with each viewing, they might have managed to mention the genocide in the Sudan a handful of times.
2. The I've-Gotta-Start-A-Foundation syndrome. First of all, let me preface this tirade by saying that I sympathize with anyone who has lost a child. As a parent, I can't even begin to imagine the agony of life after such a tragedy. That said, there seems to be some kind of requirement these days, a mandate that you can't possibly have loved your child unless you start a foundation dedicated to whatever disease or accident was responsible for his or her death. For example: I saw a story featuring parents who had lost their 15-year-old daughter to a fatal wind surfing accident. As I said, it was tragic. But they weren't on the news because their daughter had been killed. They were there to discuss the foundation they started to "raise awareness" about wind surfing accidents, which even they admitted are extremely and ridiculously rare occurrences. But they believed the foundation was important because (say it with me y'all 'cause I know you know it) "if we can spare just one family from going through this, that makes it worthwhile." Okay, I'm all for doing whatever you can do to deal with the pain. But, in the name of all you consider holy, stay off the television. Or at least get some new lines.
3. The New England Patriots. To quote Kathy Bates from The Waterboy, "Zzzzzzzzzz...da devil...da devil...da devil...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
4. Regarding the phrase "In regards to..." This madness has been going on for years, but last year I saw a marked increase in use (probably because I had a boss who felt it necessary to put this in EVERY email he EVER wrote in life). This phrase is very aggravating. And very incorrect. I cringe every time I'm forced to read it or hear it. One should never use this phrase. EVER! Simply put, with regard to that particular phrase, it is much more concise and infinitely less annoying to use the word "regarding". If you are a person that uses this phrase often, please give my regards to your high school English teacher.
5. Hip-hop music. Anyone who knows me knows how much I've always loved hip-hop music. But what masquerades as hip-hop these days is ridiculous. At the risk of sounding like an old woman (Shaddup!), it just ain't what it used to be. I mean no disrespect to Soulja Boy ('cause I like to Crank That too), but if I can memorize the words to a song after hearing it once it's a pretty safe bet that the lyrics aren't very compelling. Oh, and this thing about every song has to feature someone else has gotten way out of control. Record companies complain that people are only downloading single tracks instead of buying full CDs. Okay...duh! I don't know whose CD to buy. The song is by this person featuring that person and that person and the other person. Besides, I might be so inclined to buy a full CD if it had more than one good track on it. Remember when Run DMC or LL Cool J would drop an album and EVERY song on it was a hit? You were at the record store the day the album dropped to get it. Remember Dr. Dre's The Chronic CD? Snoop's Doggystyle CD? You didn't mind buying the whole CD because you knew you were getting your money's worth. These days, you MIGHT get two decent songs on a CD if you're lucky, and they probably sound alike.

I'm not really a resolutions kinda gal, but I'm going to try to be much less aggravated this year. In the interest of full disclosure, I'd have to say my effort is already in jeopardy. You can't blame me though. What with the NFL playoffs in full swing AND the presidential election in 2008, it's possible that I picked the wrong year.

The Deed Is Done

Well, my daughter had her palette expander installed today. She took it pretty well. The staff at the orthodontist's office raved about how good she was.

Yep, she's a trooper.

I am not.

This morning I called her babysitter and pleaded with her to take my child to the orthodontist for me, and I would watch the children for her. She turned me down. So I took her myself and sat inpatiently in the waiting room, all the while envisioning that the evil monsters on the other side of the door were inflicting unspeakable harm upon my innocent baby. It took everything in me to not jump up, run through that door, and rescue her from the grasp of her torturers.

Now you see why I have to sleep with the television on, right? I can't be trusted with my own imagination.

Anyway, my daughter came and got me after about a half an hour. Hmmm. She looked okay. There was no apparent distress. I was skeptical as she led me back to the room of horrors. Once inside, I asked her if she was in pain. "A little," she replied. Then the doctor came in and directed me to wash my hands. I complied without asking why. (The force is strong in that one.) He then proceeded to show me the appliance in my child's mouth and "activate" the device by turning the key right in front of me. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, the man handed me the key and directed me to do what he just did.

Let me just say that I'm a strong person. I am not your typical feature film female (100 points for alliteration!). I've got a high threshold for pain, I don't scream when I'm startled, and I've never fainted in my life. But when that man asked me to crank that device, my knees got a little weak. I was happy to be already sitting down.

Dr. Tingling was great. He was patient with me and guided me through it. My child was not as patient. She wanted me to hurry so she could get back to school. She's a strong kid.

So, all is well for now. She says her mouth hurt earlier but feels much better now. She's drooling a lot. Dr. Tingling says this will get better as she gets used to having the appliance in her mouth. And she hasn't quite figured out how to chew with that thing yet, but I'm hoping that will get better too...or she'll have to live on oatmeal and apple sauce for the next three months.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who helped me through this drama. I've got wonderful friends. I especially need to thank Shoney and Tammy, whose words of wisdom gave me great strength. Thanks y'all. I love ya!

-e

Not Too Shabby

Wow! I've gotten a lot of wonderful compliments on my new fall-themed blog header. Although I'd love to take ALL the credit, I can't. I created the header from digital scrapbooking kits I downloaded from http://www.shabbyprincess.com/. Most of the header (papers, ribbons, bookplate, staples, and cool transparency) came from their Shabby Fall kit, while the title alphabet and the photo turns are in the Shabby Mommy kit. Each of the kits I used are free, but they have a great selection of kits for sale. If you are into digital scrapbooking, you should really check out their site. If you're not into scrabooking but you are just looking for blog headers, they have some premade blog headers for sale which are reasonably priced at $2.50 each with additional button graphics included.
Oh, and the flowers I used are from a free kit I found called "My Girl". I wish I had noted the site on which I found it, but unfortunately I didn't. I think it's from a French designer, since the downloads are labeled "papiers", "bordure", "fleur", and "cadre". It also says "Charlie 54 Design", but I was unable to locate the website again.

Anyway, thanks again for all the kudos!

-e

Mommy The Terrible

My daughter is supposed to go to the orthodontist on Thursday, and I'm the one feeling anxiety. I love my child. I would end your life in less than two seconds for even thinking about harming her. So how is it that I am going to pay someone, a relative stranger to me, to install what looks like a medieval torture device in my child's mouth?

Dr. Tingling, my daughter's orthodontist, calls it a palate expander. My daughter has significant tooth crowding, owing to the fact that her mouth is too small for her permanent teeth. It's hereditary. I have a small mouth, too. (I'm holding up my middle finger to everyone who scoffed at that statement!) I was shown x-rays and photos and was assured that this apparatus would help correct the space issue. She will later need braces to coax the permanent teeth into alignment.

Okay. Sounds simple.

Except that the expander is designed to literally pull apart the roof of her mouth. I was advised that it is best to do it now, before the palate fuses together. If I were to wait, surgery would be necessary to break that suture apart, then she would still need the expander. A friend of mine has a son younger than my daughter, and he had an expander installed and survived. So logic dictated to the vulcan in me that it would be best for her to get it now.

When I inquired whether this is going to be painful for my child, I was told she "might" feel some "discomfort". That is medical speak for "yes". And then he showed me how the thing works, as if that was supposed to make me feel better about it.

Apparently I am going to have to stick a key into this thing twice each day and make it exert even more force upon my child's mouth. I am to be my own child's torturer, and I am paying an orthodontist for the right to do it. I'm not sure I even have the stomach for it. Nevertheless, I sat there in that man's office with my child, and I agreed to this. I don't know how to account for my apparent lapse in good sense, though I suspect some version of the Jedi mind trick was involved.

As we get closer to her appointment, I'm having to fight the overwhelming urge to protect her from the cruelty of this world. The orthodontist is clearly a sadist who has found a way to legalize child abuse in this country. And I am clearly his flunky.

-e