Posts
I know it, and I appreciate it. But it's very annoying sometimes.
Most of my friends are kind-hearted people. I get that. I really do. And being the kind-hearted people they are, most have invited my daughter and me to participate in whatever 4th of July festivities they are planning. And I really do appreciate it. I love them for it.
The problem is simple: I don't feel like celebrating the 4th of July.
Is this some political statement? A Chuck D style boycott about the freedom of my people? A quiet protest of this country's foreign policy?
No. It's much simpler than that.
My father passed away last year on the 4th of July, and I just don't feel like celebrating. Period.
Sounds simple, doesn't it? But it's just my luck to live in a country full of amateur psychologists. I blame Oprah and Phil.
People say they understand my feelings. Then they try to convince me that what I really need to do is get out among the masses. As if lighting sparklers or playing spades or endless banter about the NBA's ridiculous one-year-of-college rule will magically make me feel better. (Sorry, Mr. Stern. I had to get that out.) As if being around people will change the fact that, in effect, they are gathering to celebrate the very day I lost my dad.
Now, if they had real psychology degrees they would understand that people have to grieve in their own way. This is mine. No one has a healthier understanding of death than I do. I just don't like being around people when I'm feeling this way. And, trust me, I'm really no fun right now. They wouldn't want me bringing down their celebration anyway. Everything about this "holiday" reminds me of the day my father died.
So let it go. No more lectures about what my father would have wanted me to do. No more castigations on the necessity of being around friends during this time. No more advice on how to deal. I'm not staying in bed for a month, and I'm not pondering suicide. I'm simply passing up some parties to shed some very personal tears by myself.
In time I might get to a place where I can enjoy a good cookout on the 4th of July. But it's not likely to happen this year. Let me assure you--your BBQ ribs will not be safe from me on Labor Day.
Dude, I totally understand avoiding "The 4th" and its upbeat, joyous celebrations because your father passed on that day. Without meaning to, it would appear as if folks were being insensitive to your loss by celebrating the day instead of mourning your loss. You gotsta do what you gotsta do - and who knows better than you what you need on that day?
ReplyDeleteWhy not treat yourself to a movie? I mean, you never know what exciting stuff might happen at the theatre :)
P.S. - I love that you used the word "castigations" in your blog.
E.,
ReplyDeleteI agree 200% as far as letting people grieve in their own way. Whoever these people are who are telling you to be around friends, celebrate the 4th, etc. should really just mind their business and stop trying to be amatuer psychiatrists.
I hear you girl. My dad passed away on July 2nd of '93. My loving boyfriend of 3 years told me two days later that he would probably kill himself if he didn't have his dad. I broke up with him less than 2 months later.
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing better. Hugs.
You can grieve in your own way and as long as you want.
ReplyDeleteI had an interesting (let's say) relationship with my dad who died two years ago.
To mourn in a healthy way I placed a picture of him smiling on my kitchen counter top, just above the kitchen sink so I could see him smiling everyday.
BTW: We do not celebrate the Fourth of You Lie for political reasons.
You take care.