The Candy Nazi

Did you hear about Shirley Nagel, the evil Candy Nazi lady who, on Halloween, refused to hand out candy to children of Obama supporters? In case you missed it, here she is in all her self-righteous glory:

As it turns out, this icky itch lives in Grosse Pointe Farms. My daughter and I were in Grosse Pointe trick-or-treating on Halloween night.

Shirley The Psycho and I have something in common: fortune smiled upon both of us when we did not cross paths that night.

You see, I have a temper. She clearly has no sense. That's a bad combination. Had she been mean to my child, had she caused my child to cry, you probably would've seen me in that video too...in handcuffs. And that McCrazy lady would've been trying to talk to that reporter through a broken jaw and missing teeth.

I know, I know. I'm supposed to turn the other cheek, rise above it all, be a better woman. Nope. Sorry. Mama don't play when it comes to her baby.

It has since been discovered that Shirley The Shrew was a Michigan delegate to the Republican National Committee this year. Now, I've been reading blogs where people are saying that this is "typical" of McCain/Palin supporters. Let me assure you, it is not. It's not even typical of McCain/Palin supporters in the Grosse Pointes. In fact, we trick-or-treated at several houses with McCain signs in their yard. They were all nice to the children and cordial to the adults. No, this was the unilateral action of a lunatic.

And, get this, she used to be a school teacher. How scary is that? Lucky for her she's already retired, because I'm certain there would have been thousands of angry letters from parents demanding her dismissal.

But, since she dodged that bullet, I offer the following information:

Shirley Nagel
465 Belanger St.
Grosse Pointe Farms, MI 48236
313-884-2598

I'm not saying she should get bombarded with mail, but it wouldn't hurt for a few thousand people to express their indignation at the way she treated those kids. Clearly the neighbors can't stand her either. You saw how quickly they gave up her name to the press.

Anyway, I'm tired of thinking about that insane wretch. After all, Keith Olberman already named her Worst Person In The World. I'm going to put her out of my mind directly...right after I finish counting my lucky stars.

-e

I Just Couldn't Help Myself

I hadn't planned to watch it. Barack Obama's half-hour tv spot was last night, and I was going to take a pass.

'Cause why, right? I was already voting for the guy. And besides, I have had it up to HERE with this election. I want it to just be over already!

And the Pheonix Suns were playing the San Antonio Spurs on ESPN. I wanted to watch that. After all, I've been anxiously awaiting the start of the NBA season since the Boston Celtics won the title last summer.

So there was really no reason to even turn it on, was there?

Then I felt a little guilty. After all, the Obama camp spent quite a bit on that spot, and $20 of that was my money dammit! So I figured I might just have a quick peek, you know, for the sake of tv ratings. Then I'd turn to the game. I find politics pretty boring anyway...usually.

There was an old poem I was forced to read in high school - something about "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men..." I should've paid closer attention.

At the 20-minute mark I found myself wondering when they were going to show a commercial so I could at least turn and check the score of the game. About 2 seconds later it occurred to me that there wouldn't be any commercials because this was, after all, one long political ad.

I had to laugh at myself. 'Cause I just was sitting there, mesmerized, like I hadn't seen nor heard most of this before and like I needed to hear more. And I really needed to pee (note to self: don't drink a giant cup of cinnamon apple tea and expect to sit for half an hour). Still, I forced myself to hold it for the last 10 minutes because, for some inexplicable reason, I had to finish watching.

In the end, I felt it was good spot. It wasn't boring at all (contrary to Elizabeth Hasselbeck's assessment on The View today...of course she'd rather walk through burning flames than to say anything favorable about Obama). The half hour went by pretty quickly. So, good job Senator. But next time please check the NBA schedule before you decide to buy a big ad block in prime time.

-e

8 Mile...Starring Barack Obama

In a battle of words, it's usually not ideal to argue your point first. That way you get to hear the other person's argument, and you can counter that with your own.

Have y'all seen the movie 8 Mile? I know everyone in Detroit has. Remember that last battle scene, where Eminem - I forget his character's name - had the mic? He got up there and spat his rhymes, then he anticipated his opponent's comeback and tore it to shreds before he laid down the mic. Of course, the other guy now had nothing with which to come back, being that Eminem had already destroyed all his material.

He changed the rules. He threw a sucker punch that prevented the counter punch. He took words that he hadn't even heard yet and picked them apart.

Yep, that's what Barack Obama just did to John McCain. He 8Mile'd him.

If you didn't see Obama's acceptance speech (and I don't blame you if you didn't because I don't usually watch political conventions myself), you missed a brilliant display of gamesmanship. Not only did he make the case for the end of Republican rule by pointing out the obvious blunders of the current administration, but he anticipated every bit of nonsense that the McCain camp and the hit squad at the Republican National Committee might throw at him and made them seem, well, more than a little ridiculous.

For those who haven't seen it, I am not going to try to summarize it here. That would take too long, and I have to get up in the morning. And I can't embed the video because it hasn't shown up on the web just yet, so you'll have to find it for yourself to see what I'm talking about.

Oh, and that shuffling sound you hear is the McCain camp trying to figure out what just happened to all their talking points.

-e