Oh Lord!

I've had it up to HERE with folk and their religion these days. Don't get me wrong. If you find a religion that moves you, I'm nothing but happy for you. But, please...LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!

This is especially true of the newly faithful. Come on! Last week you were a hedonistic, narcissistic, pernicious lush. Then you happened into a church one day, and now you think you must drag me down your chosen religious path with you, whether I want to go or not.

Why do some people seem to feel it is their right to dictate to me about what I believe or don't believe? I think there has to be some kind of bounty on my soul. Why else would people be trying so hard to "save" it? Perhaps the procurement of my soul buys one a free pass into heaven...and a handful of extra game tokens.

In any event, I've grown weary of the constant badgering. So I've compiled a list of pointers that will allow us to peacefully coexist.

1. If you ask if I am of a certain religion, and I tell you I am not, you DO NOT get to ask me to explain myself. It is not incumbent upon me to justify my beliefs to you.
2. You DO NOT get to debate monotheistic religion (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam included, among others) if you cannot engage in an educated discourse about paganism or polytheism in general. How can you effectively lobby for any religion if you are unaware of its origins?
3. If you engage me in any debate on religion, DO NOT attempt to use your religious book of choice to prove your point. Newsflash: this is circular logic. If I don't espouse your religion, it follows that I do not regard its text as the ultimate truth. Think people!
4. Regurgitating chapter and verse numbers to me DOES NOT make you sound smart. Nor does it in any way aid your argument (see #3). Get over yourself! Other primates have also demonstrated the ability to memorize...so score one for Charles Darwin.
5. DO NOT try to convert me to your religion by testifying to me about how your faith saved your life. Please keep in mind that I can assemble, within a matter of minutes, people of all different religious beliefs, all of whom can relate similar anecdotes about their chosen path.
6. DO NOT proclaim that you are going to pray for me and then wait for me to thank you. Who asked you anyway? There is really no reason for you to tell me of your intent. If praying for me helps you sleep at night, then do it. Or don't. Either way, my acknowledgement should not be requisite for your personal action.
7. DO NOT DARE tell me to whom you think I "need" to pray or what you think I "need" to believe. This is not only presumptuous, condescending, and insulting, but also very annoying. I am not an idiot. Do not treat me like one.
8. If you invite me to a religious service, and I decline, you SHOULD NOT take that to mean that if you annoy me about it long enough I will miraculously want to go. There are reasons I do not enjoy attending these things, and you've just brought the primary one into sharp focus. If you delight in going, then go. You don't really need to roll with backup.
9. DO NOT continually try to get me to espouse your beliefs. If your religion is so wonderful, why do you need the hard sell? Who are you trying to convince anyway?
10. NEVER tell me that the reason I don't share your beliefs is that I don't understand what it's all about. There's a good chance I've studied more about your religion than you have.